UA = Me.

Upper Arlington, Ohio is an extremely nice place to live.
I've been here about two months and having seen what I have of it, I think I can honestly say that.
It is a typical, suburban-American community with nice people and nice places.
Everyone's houses are very nice internally and structurally, with nice lawns and nice landscaping.
Children are typically nice in school and out of it (from what my teacher friends tell me anyway), and parents have very nice, meaningful interactions with their kids.
There are nice schools, nice fire houses, nice playgrounds by the fire houses, nice police stations, nice libraries, nice gardens and bike riding trails, and nice activities for nice families to take part it.
The people are really nice (both on the surface and some truly at heart). Most people here are very nice looking, and while there's not a lot of diversity in ethnicity or background, they are nice to the people who are different from them.
Moms here love their daughters having nice friends; "oh she's such a nice girl" is the phrase kids want to hear, and often do.
Friends are very nice to each other, inviting each other to their nice homes or to do nice things around town.
Dads take their sons on nice trips to the ballpark and nicely devote their time to coach some form of team.
Churches are very, very nice. Too much to describe now..but I can another time.
        I use the word 'nice' because  that's truly the best way to describe it. 'Nice' in this context then means clean, well-kept, color coordinated, pleasant in demeanor, "pretty" by society's standards, and giving the perfect appearance of well-roundedness, peace and harmony. Funny enough, dictionary.com defines 'nice' as "pleasing; agreeable; delightful", "characterized by, showing, or requiring great accuracy,precision, skill, tact, care, or delicacy", and (this last one's my favorite) "showing or indicating very small differences; minutely accurate, as instruments". I like that: indicating very small differences...as instruments.

Before I get ahead of myself, let me first state that the above statements are strictly observations. They are not sarcastic slams against Upper Arlington or bitter feelings toward this community. In all honesty, I have really enjoyed my time here as far as surroundings go. It's a beautiful town with opportunities to grow and enrich yourself, however you see fit. The availability to be outdoors is more than appealing and the amount of family interaction really is beautiful. I am overjoyed to see parents investing in their kids in a real way and teachers genuinely striving to see growth in a child. The resources here are rich indeed and it does give a sense of "groundedness" (I know that's not a word) and security for individuals who grow up here. Coming from a mainly inner-city exposure, this place has actually been somewhat refreshing. As long as you stay grounded in Jesus and His Kingdom though.

I made those observations above because that's simply what I've done since I got here: observed. Not for any specific purpose or goal, I am just genuinely interested in culture and people groups so I have really jumped into this one. Whether I'm watching interactions, biking around to check out the area, or actively engaging in people's lives, I've been observing the way people live and the affect that has on who they are. So, while I'm fully aware of the dangers that comforts and securities can have on the mentality and lifestyle of Christians, my main objective in making these observations was not for malicious intent--it just sort of happened. Every culture has barriers to really living the Christian faith, so attacking the suburbs is not the way to go about change in our society.

I am writing these observations out, because I realized the other day that this way of living somewhat resembles my faith. This thought came after a run. It was a really tough run that day, physically and mentally which led to emotional frustration, so I decided to take a longer time walking at the end to literally cool down. As I was walking, I started to talk to God...and it was really raw. Anger, hurt, frustration, and hope all mixed together as I talked to God about life, and where mine is currently in particular. I realized that this was the first time in about a week that I really felt vulnerable before God and was genuinely telling Him things, believing He would hear me.
In the past few weeks, God has been giving me a lot of cool thoughts about a variety of things. I've done a lot of reading by a lot of really enlightened and talented writers, and those, mixed with my own thoughts and experiences have generated many deep thoughts about the Kingdom of God in relationship to the way things are right now--and simply faith in general.
In the midst of these thoughts and writings, I somehow managed to weasel my way out of being vulnerable before God; I avoided being real with Him and trusting that He heard me.
How is that possible?!
Very simply for the compartmentalized mind, unfortunately.
As I walked, I cognitively devoted that time to God alone--taking Him on the walk with me.
Sounds weird, I know, but it's not. It's real--and that's where the suburbs tie in.

The err in suburban living is that it often remains surface level and self-centered. It leaves the door wide open for selfishness and temporary mentality and therefore temporary living.
In my own life, this has manifested through how I spend my time and it has really affected my connection with God.
I'm not talking about giving time to the people around me, I mean specific, devoted time to be with God alone. To recognize Him, to talk to Him, but most importantly to listen to Him.
While I was "cooling down", following my vent session, I was silent--for a long time--and was aware of the God who Created all.
By simply looking at the sky, or the movement of the leaves from the wind it was as if God was like "Hello, I'm a person too!"
I forget that.
I forget that He's real.
It's sick.

As a Christian, we spend so much time trying to discover how to live instead of trying to discover who God is.
Not just in character, but His heart and His mind.
These things are inexplicably intertwined and the problem is when we see them as separate. Like I often do.
But it starts with God--who He is and then how He wants us to live.
If we miss that, we're all off.

This has been extremely long-winded to come to this one point: I (and often many of us) am like the mom who calls their daughter's friend 'nice' without actually knowing them. I call God 'nice', and talk about His ways sometimes without acknowledging Him in my daily activities.
We make time for boyfriends/girlfriends and when not with them we "balance" it out by making time for friends/family.
We make time to read our bibles, maybe even time to study it, and sometimes make time to pray for the world around us.
We make time to serve, and time to tell people about it.
We make time to go to church and invest in the lives of people in our home groups.
But what we don't often do, what I don't do enough, is sit and be still and connect with who He is.
Jesus' life was that of consecration and obedience to the Father--so why should mine be any different?
I pray God will not just make my actions/words still, but my very heart itself.
That He will humble my to a quiet place with His love and that from there, live will flow.

Reverse Hierarchy

Okay, so I have a lot of thoughts tonight. Most are from previous days that I haven't had the chance to type out--but regardless, they all sort of go together. For the sake of attempted clarity, this post will be about one in particular.

I was sitting in a work training yesterday (which was about job coaching and job development for people with disabilities) and the comment was made regarding developing positions for individuals with disabilities to not only benefit their lives but to benefit the company overall, and more specifically, higher paid employees who don't have time/don't want to take care of minute company tasks.
This got me thinking and the words "higher paid employees" really stuck out in particular.
It didn't set right with me. Which is sort of hypocritical because I am a higher paid employee.
It's an obvious given that our society, and all societies in the history of mankind, has/have been and is based on hierarchy of some kind. In terms of the workforce and workforce development, this looks like a pay-scale. For government and organizations this looks like status or position. For the church..well let's not get into that.
Humanity understands hierarchy because at our core, we understand that there is something greater than us--even if we don't admit or 'believe' it. We can't fight it.
But at the same time, as history has proven over and over, we consistently place ourselves in that place of 'something greater', hence many social structures and American culture as we know it.
I could be wrong on some of these things. Like I prefaced at the beginning of this blog, a lot of these are incomplete thoughts that will probably get edited/changed later in life as I experience and learn more. So if something is totally off-base, feel free to correct.
It just seems to make sense. This innate understanding of 'something greater' (God) is the very reason we cling to hierarchy, yet the distortion of it places it on people. This is how evils such as prejudice, racism, human trafficking and many, many more can even come into play.

Much more can be said about that, and anthropologists and philosophers alike can add content/correct errs. For now, I'm focusing on how this manifests in socioeconomics because that was how this thought originated. Bear with me.
Our society has higher paid employees because of a pay scale. This pay scale is to enforce what one 'deserves' for the work they do. Therefore, if someone doesn't receive a lot of money while working, their work is not as deserving due to lack of education, skills, training, time spent working etc. While this makes sense to us--it doesn't in the eyes of Jesus.
In this philosophy, what you do defines who you are.
The mindset of Jesus is the exact opposite; who you are defines what you do.
Jesus talks over and over about actions being an overflow of the condition of the heart (see 'Sermon on the Mount' for details).
Think about this & really let this truth sink in.
What we do does not define who we are--but who we are will categorically affect the things that we do.

In the Christian worldview, the belief that we can do more to be more is called "works-based faith". It assumes that we are valued because of what we do and can therefore gain spiritually by doing "better". This is false belief though, and if you understand anything about the way humans function healthily, it makes sense to call it a lie.

The Kingdom of God is flipped; meaning it is the complete and polar opposite of this way of thinking/doing things. There is hierarchy but it differs vastly and is not dependent on actions. Meekness is greatness, internal qualities are beauty rather than external ones, and what one does doesn't place or revoke value on/from them but who they are does. Which, in the Christian worldview, seems hopeless when you look at humans in term of an innately sinful nature. That's not the whole view though because God has created each person in His image therefore placing intrinsic value within them. He then gives those who believe in Him the Holy Spirit to transform their messiness into the character of Jesus, who holds all of those qualities that are pleasing to God.

If we could believe this..like really, truly believe this..so many things would change.
If we would believe this, it could help in times of 'identity amnesia' which always leads to 'identity replacement' (heard those phrases from a sermon--not my own).
If we would believe this, it would eliminate any false, works-based faith that so permeates American sunday school curriculum (that is not a blanket statement, but typically true).
If we would believe this, lies could be defeated so much easier and falling into traps of people pleasing and self-centeredness would be a lesser occurrence.
If we would believe this, we would be so much more free.

Understanding who we are in light of a crazily awesome God should settle us to a place of security, knowing we are loved by Him regardless of what we do. I know I'm hitting on a lot of different topics all in one here, but the thought of social hierarchy prompted this thought-chain and made myself more aware of things I'm believing (truth and lies). And I don't think I'm alone in those beliefs.

Let's believe truth.
Let's live lives based on the hierarchy of the Kingdom of God and pray it will change our society to look more like that.
This really starts within me, but if you're with me on this stuff..I challenge you to dig deeper.

[signed, Allison-Idon'tknowhowtoendablogentry-Clark]

August 18.

"All my delight is in you Lord..." ...you sure?


The Rich Man and Jesus.
Matt. 19: 16-30.

Jesus spoke with simplicity and authority; reality rather than allurement.
"It is what it is", was his subliminal motto. "Come to me and great will your reward be in heaven."
"But that's not right NOW." thought the man, consciously or subconsciously.
"This can't be. That's too much. How can I have great treasure when He's asking me to give all this up?! Plus, I'm not even that good at selling things. That can't be what He means."
But it is, beloved.
He asks for everything. And in turn, promises everything. Which doesn't make sense. But then again, that's the Kingdom--where everything is flipped around. Where the poor are rich? The hurting are comforted? The lowly and humble are the highest exalted? Where not just actions, but hearts have to be pure? What does it even mean for a heart to be pure? (Matt. 5:3-8) That doesn't make sense! These are our thoughts.
But it does make sense...in the mind of Jesus. This is how Paul says that the church in Corinth will be transformed, "...by the renewal of your mind." (Rom. 12:2)
And this is why Jesus' words to the rich man don't make sense to us. Or at least not when we're the rich man and Jesus is asking us to give something.
We think with our mind--our fleshly, selfish, human mind where it's all about loss; where sacrifice is giving, which is painful, which is 'I don't want to do it' because 'I want'.
As Oswald Chambers says, the rich man came with zeal and determination and then left with sorrow and discouragement  because of what Jesus asked for. He didn't even have to say that to Jesus; he was just so sad. And then walked away, head hanging, probably fighting depression and condemnation. ["But hey, you have your stuff", says the enemy] hm.
What Jesus is saying though is to leave all that behind because He has something even better! It's more lasting, more fulfilling, and will be sweeter than we can even believe.
But we can't believe. We can't give. We can't wait. Or at least we won't.

It's all about our will; our plans, our desires. We still have them.
That's what keeps us from freedom in Jesus and an understanding of God and His ways.
Our "will" (look up a definition for that word right now) has to become His will or it's never going to work.
We can fight it--and on the surface be really, really "happy"--but our souls will never be at rest.
The very deepest places in us that we can't even pinpoint will not be content--leading us to the feeling of need.
Which is why we want more things, buy more things, date more people, text more frequently, travel more selfishly, and basically do anything that means I don't have to give ___________ to Jesus, because _______ is all I really need.
This is why 'stuff' never satisfies (whether it's physical or emotional). It's temporary. And our souls know that--but our minds don't--or won't admit it.

The rich man is the perfect representation of us; that's what is in our nature to be and to think and to do.
Temporary, self-consumed, impatient.
We literally have to ask God to change us. Starting at the heart; changing our motivations (which constitutes a change of our minds).
If we could "get" the big picture that it's not about us--that it's about God and his glory being displayed and about all of creation coming to worship him, with him then working all things together for their good--then giving is actually receiving, and sacrifice really is gain.
If we could recognize and accept that God's plan is better than our and then submit to that--no matter what the cost--we will find rest and freedom and joy we didn't even know existed.
It takes believing though. Then obeying--with the help of the Holy Spirit.
That is when we truly come to life and live.
The Bible really is right, then.
To live, we must die; to receive, we must give; to have faith, we must believe.

Amen.

August 15.

quick note: some of these writings are from previous dates. see post title for details. : )


Morning Prayer --

We live in this prison of falsehood; manmade ideals of fleshly living that suffocate the eternal glory which has the ability to be found daily. God, baptize us with your truth to LIVE fully and abundantly in the callings to which we have been called. Eradicate previous thrones of self-centeredness and temporary mentality. Lift us to a place of graciousness and unconditional giving of self and resources. Grow our desire to know you, see you and love you, and set us free from the chains of laziness, apathy, and complacency. Create in us new hearts and new minds, creatively seeking new endeavors--never being stifled by mundanity or hopelessness.  May our hearts be drawn so far out of society that the culture of our lives would be that of your Kingdom. Shed the scales from our eyes and give us faith that brings life to the dead by the power of Jesus' name and the presence of the Holy Spirit. Your goodness is true, and your ways simple. Reveal to us the hidden treasures of your heart and your mind for your glory and names' sake. All praise be to our God and Father and to his son, Jesus Christ, and to his Holy Spirit.

Amen.

LIVE.

Okay, so I'm finally doing this.
Starting a blog. A public one.
I've had a secret one since the beginning of the year but have recently been writing a lot and it was suggested to me by a good friend to start a blog where I can share these thoughts/writings.

I'm not "good" at writing, or even thinking for that matter. I usually over think or not at all.
Any thoughts that are profound or beautiful come from God--so thank Him.

I'm on a lunch break from work right now so this won't be long. Just a description of this newness which will include thoughts and probably ramblings; hopefully in a somewhat consistent pattern (but no promises). I don't have a "plan" for postings. To be honest, I'm not really sure how these blog things work..

Consider this my attempt to defeat insecurity and share honest thoughts, deep and surface level (probably all of which will be incomplete or edited at a later time in life). I apologize in advance for any confusion, boredom, or poor writing you may experience. Here goes..something? HA